I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
