I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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