I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
