I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
