Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
