hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
zippers are such a cool invention
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
