Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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