you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Pooping to opera.
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