sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
