new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
