I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
