My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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