Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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