Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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