are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
