I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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