so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
