It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
