dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
