My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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