butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize