walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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