I want to walk on stilts...naked
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize