Someone shit on the floor
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
