we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
