I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
