Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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