Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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