I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
