I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
