In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
high people should be assigned attendants
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
