you win again, gameday.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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