im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
