Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize