You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
