Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
