Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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