Whod you bang
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
