Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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