Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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