You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
