There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
