Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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