Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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