All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
