i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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