this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
