I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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