swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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