i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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