i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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