i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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