I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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