How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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