if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
