I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
