She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
