Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
