I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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