college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize