1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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