I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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