So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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