I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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