I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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