you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
