$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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