apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
