i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
