Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
